Open Letter Friday

Letter #1
Dear Lady Who Works @ Osh Kosh,
I get it. You work retail.  You don't like it much. That's cool. I've been there.  But all I asked was whether Osh Kosh sells adjustable waist pants.  That's all.  Shrugging your shoulders and then pointing to some nebulous crowded sea of plaid and khaki was not helpful to me.  Rolling your eyes when I asked if you could show me specifically where these mystery pants might be only made me want to get stabby.  So you know what? Don't be such a douchcanoe!
Sincerely,
Mom of a Small Waisted, Conan-the-Barbarian thighed little boy

Letter #2
Dear barely post-college age women @ table in Borders Cafe:
Really? A stare down?  A pointed look at my belly and then barely whispered "Oh mah gawd!" to each other?  Well guess what, twatwaffles: I'm pregnant!  That's right. Gestating a human being. And I'm hungry and I needed a freaking latte.  Sue me.  I know the belly is big, but so is my income and my diamond, so suck it!
Sincerely,
Your Future - if you're lucky!

PS - I know I'm due for some more posts.  Life has been quite hectic with all kinds of good things.  Hopefully this weekend, I'll be able to sit down for a little marathon posting.